Yugioh Behind the Scenes
by Sapphire Seibrem
Summary: Ok, this is an extemely funny, yet weird story me and Joeyzgrl12 thought up one day while we were waiting for Fullmetal Alchemist to come on, but yeah, please read, you'll laugh like crazy. rated R for language, weird stuff, and just....... a bunch of stu


Authoress: Hello all! This is another attempt at a humor story when me and my friend got curious. If your wondering who we are I'm Joeyzgrl12

Authoress 2: And I'm Sapphire Seibrem! Now behold our many behind the scene out takes!!!!! REVIEW IT NOW!

Disclaimer: (Bakura and Joey walk up to the readers and stuff)

Bakura: they don't own Yugioh or anything else...

Joey: they wish they did though... Not that it'll ever happen...

Whatever, on with the story!!!

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Director: Everyone's got 1 hour to freshen up!

Serenity: (looking around desperately to find Joey) JOEY?!?! JOEY? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!

Joey: (hiding in a trashcan praying silently) Please God don't let her find me.....

Yugi: Where's my hair gel?!?! (Tries to get his hair out of his face)

Yami Yugi: (hiding the empty bottles behind his back) Whoops...

Yugi: (glares at Yami Yugi) I NEEDED THAT!!!

Yami Yugi: Well so did I small fry!

Yugi: (hits Yami Yugi in the face) YOU HAVE YOUR OWN YOU MORON!!! THAT WAS

MINE!!!!!

Yami Yugi: YOU CAN'T HIT ME I'M THE ALL MIGHTY PHARAOH YOU LITTLE BRAT I'LL USE WHATEVER HAIR GEL I PLEASE!!!

Yugi: (wide eyes) hmm... I got it! (squirts ketchup in Yami Yugi's hair) Try that fag!

Yami Yugi: ................. (strangles him lifting him off the ground) HOW DARE YOU! IT TOOK ME HOURS TO GET MY HAIR RIGHT!!!

Serenity: (finds Joey, grabs him and hugs him to death) JOEY!!! I FOUND YOU!!! NOW I'LL MAKE SURE NO ONE EVER HURTS YOU!!! NEVER EVER!!!

Joey: (a look of horror on his face) SOMEBODY SHOOT HER!!!

Tristan: god... where's that rifle at... I got ya covered Joey!!!

Director: No shooting her! She's the spazzing annoying freak everyone loves to flame! I get better ratings!

Bakura: Where's my raw meat dammit!!! (looks really pissed) I better get some soon or heads are gunna roll!!!

Yami Malik: (finishes all the raw meat) I ate it whatcha gunna do about it punk?

Bakura: (eyes twitching severely) I'm.......gunna.......kill.............you..... (attacks Yami Malik)

Yami Malik: Not if I kill you first!!! (pulls out his dagger from the Millenium Rod) MWUHAHAHAHA!

Bakura: (has one hidden in his pocket) I'll kill you before you have a chance!!!!!! (REALLY screwed up crazy laugh)

Yami Malik: Bring it on you crazy brit!!!

Rex: Oooh!!! Psycho fight!!! (watches with a camera)

Weevil: Where?! I wanna see!!!

(Bakura and Yami Malik attack Rex and Weevil)

Bakura: Psychos, huh?

Yami Malik: I'll show you psyco!!

Weevil: RUN REX RUN!!

Rex: I'm runnin', I'm runnin'!!!!

Tea: (sitting in her room working on her 2,000 page friendship speech for the day's episode) And I'll tell everyone how much I love them and how special they are!!! (swallows more ecstacy)

Mai: I DEMAND MY CLOTHES BE MORE WHORISH!! (sniffs)

Tristan: Um Mai you got a little something on your nose....

Mai: (wipes the cocaine off) SHUT UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS! Now I'm

gunna get frown lines, where's my make up?!

Mai's make up person: (struggling to carry a huge box over to her) Here... (gasp) Miss Valentine... (passes out and gets crushed under the box)

Mai: Finely! (dives through the boxes) More, more, MORE!

Malik: more what? Crack or make-up... not that shes needs more of either... (rolls his eyes)

Mai: For your information its cocaine not crack! There's a difference!

Serenity: (leaves Joey alone for a minute and gets out another baggie and a needle and laughs like crazy) This'll make me more awake so I can keep an eye on Joey!!! HE MUST NOT EVER LEAVE MY SIGHT!!! EVER!!!!!! (puts the shot in her arm and spazzes out) JOEY!!!!! (eye twitches)

Joey: Get me away from her!! INSCEST!! (runs up a ladder)

Serenity: (pulling on his leg) NOOOOOOO!!! JOEY!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! (pulls him off the ladder) OH GOD!!! ARE YOU HURT!!! NO! I KILLED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hugs him tighter)

Joey: I'M ALIVE YOU SPAZTIC CRACK ADDICTED FREAK!!!

Serenity: YAY!!! HE'S ALIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joey: .............. Does anything get through your thick skull? And people call me thick headed....

Serenity: that's no way to talk to me! I protect you! Now, come on big brother!!! (ties him up and duct tapes his mouth and drags him behind her so he wont get away)

Joey: (being dragged behind her) MMMM! HEPP!!

Ryou: (really wide eyes) Am I the only sane one here?!? (hides in his dressing room with Malik and Varon) I hate this place...

Malik: Me and you both brother.....

Varon: don't forget me! (eats more chips) we gotta live on these and some sodas for awhile you guys...

Malik: I know it's just not safe out there anymore

Ryou: you're saying it ever was?

Malik: Yeah but it tends to get worse by the day...

Varon: that's so true..... (sighs and screams when he hears an explosion) what the

hell was that!?!?!?

(Bakura and Yami Malik laugh like crazy)

Yami Malik: (holding a bag of M-60's) (In a really psycho voice) NOW WHOS THE PSYCHOS?!??!!?? (throws another)

Weevil: (way up in the drafters in the ceiling) What's wrong with them?!

Rex: (coughing like crazy and trying to get the ashes out of what's left of his hair) I dunno, I think they got dropped on their heads when they were little...

Bakura: I heard that!!! (throws 3 more M-60's up at them)

Weevil: Screw this I'm out of here!! (tries to dig through the roof) I need my lawyer I quit this stupid job!!

Rex: wait for me!!! (follows through the new hole in the roof)

Director: Little do they know they have contracts.... they can't quit for another 10 years!! (evil grin) NOT TILL AFTER THE REUNION SPECIAL!!

Malik: (walks into the room) Great even the director's crazy now...

Ryou: hurry, get back in here! It's not safe! You'll turn just as crazy as them!!!

Mai: (pulls the make up off her face) damn, I screwed up again!!! (throws the mask-thick make up into a trash can with about 20 others) stupid cheap crap... (sniffs more

cocaine)

Isis: (walks into the room and stops dead in her tracks when she sees Mai) Too much make-up and too much cocaine is BAD for a person..... Do you need some help I'll be sure to get it for you...

Mai: stay away from me you goody two-shoes!!! (threatens to hit Isis with her crack pipe)

Isis: (shrugs shoulders) I may be a goody good but at least I don't wear pounds of make-up, become addicted to cocaine and become a dirty whore. (walks off proud of herself)

Mai: hey, at least I make money so I can afford my cocaine!!! And I'm actually a very clean whore! (sticks her nose up and goes to cut up her clothes more)

Isis: (turns around) Theres no such thing as a clean whore and trust me your as disgusting as they come. Oh and one more thing, I run an exhibit and make more money then you do!

Mai: (flips her off and keeps walking) bitch...

Amelda: (in his dressing room stuffing more socks in his shirt and putting on more eye shadow and mascara) Oh, Mai'th jutht thoooo pretty... I'll never look ath good ath her... oh well, at leatht I'll hopefully impreth Dartz...

Dartz: (was standing in the doorway that was open and then stares in front of him) I didn't just hear that.... I know I didn't... (walks off scared)

Bakura: Dartz, what's wrong with you?

Dartz: I heard some things no one man should hear.....

Yami Malik: (hands him some M-60s) here, do you need to blow something up?

Dartz: (grabs them and runs towards the direction of Amelda's dressing room)

Yami Malik: He didn't know Amelda likes him?

Bakura: Where the hell has he been, Amelda's ALWAYS staring at him...

Joey: smone pess hep me!!!! (mouth duck taped)

Serenity: (hugging Joey rocking back and forth) I'm gunna make sure no one ever

hurts you like mean Malik did... (glares towards where Malik is) No one's EVER gunna touch you! Not while I'm around!

Joey: Yor huring me!!!!!!!!

Serenity: (takes the duct tape off his mouth) what was that my love?

Joey: DID YOU JUST SAY LOVE!??!?!?!?!?!?!? AHHHH! (passes out)

Serenity: NO!!!!!!!!!! JOEY!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cries uncontrollably, between shots of random drugs, of course)

Joey: (wakes up from the scream that could wake the dead) Nyah.......

Serenity: (big huge smile) YAY!!! YOU'RE AWAKE!!!! (start kissing him)

Joey: What the fuck is wrong with you?!??!? YOUR MY FREAKIN' SISTER FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!! (kicking and struggling for dear life)

Bakura: need help? (holds up scissors)

Yami Malik: (hits Serenity over the head and knocks her out just long enough to cut Joey loose)

Joey: T-T-T-Thank you so much... (starts crying he's so happy)

Bakura: crap, she's waking up, RUN!!!!

Joey: No!! (runs back to the trashcan)

Serenity: (eyes widen more) NO!!! JOEY'S GONE AGAIN!!! (runs off to kill Yami Malik and Bakura then to find Joey)

Bakura: (sees Serenity) uh... oh..... RUN YAMI MALIK!!!!!! (takes off running)

Yami Malik: WAIT FOR ME!! (runs after him)

Malik: (peeks out the door) Oh God! Serenity's on a warpath, Bakura and my stupid

Yami set Joey free again...

Varon: they're screwed...

Ryou: (sighs and pulls out a bag of pills from his drawer) I'm used to this... (takes a

deep breath and runs after Serenity)

Serenity: (see the pills and stops dead in her tracks) pills...... good for Serenity...

(grins and reaches out the grab them)

Ryou: no, not until you stop chasing the crazy guys... (holds them above her head)

Serenity: Ok, I'll be good! I promise!!!!!!

Ryou: here... (throws the pills)

Serenity: (forgets about even Joey while she's taking them until she passes out)

Varon: (when Ryou gets back into the dressing room thingy) how the hell did you do that?

Ryou: pills always work, I've dealt with this since before they hired you...

Malik: yup, he's an expert...

Yugi: (back in his room washing his hair in the sink) Stupid baka Yami.......

Rebecca: (snickering to herself with her camera in the closet) Yugi.... no shirt.....

must add to the shrine....

Yugi: (walks into the closet and doesn't see Rebecca)

Rebecca: (drooling while she shoots a picture and runs off while Yugi's blind from the flash)

Yugi: What was that?!

Rebecca: (runs off doing a maniacal laughter) YUGI WITH NO SHIRT!!! YUGI WITH NO SHIRT!! MWUHAHAHAHA!

Yami Yugi: (holding another bottle of mustard behind his back) Oh Yugi...

Yugi: (comes out of his room) What do you want now?!

Yami Yugi: (pulls out the mustard) Ha! TAKE THIS!!! (takes off the top and dumps it

all on his head at once)

Yugi: (grabs the ketchup as a reflex) THAT DOES IT!!!!!! YOU'RE SO FUCKIN' DEAD!!!!!!!!!! (chases him)

Dartz: (running from Amelda)

Amelda: (pulling a Serenity) Wait! Come back thweetie!!

Dartz: (Running as fast as he can) oh crap!!! Oh crap!!! (runs into a wall and falls over)

Amelda: (catches him and holds him) Why won't you give our love a chanth? We can go and adopt a love child!!!

Dartz: (eye widen while he tries to get up) Amelda! Let me go right now!!!!!!!!

Amelda: Tho you can jutht run away? Never my thexy cupcake!!!

Dartz: (faints)

Amelda: (grins evilly as he runs off to his room with Dartz in his arms) Hee hee!!

(Bakura and Yami Malik saw the whole thing)

Bakura: (so shocked he can't say anything)

Yami Malik: Uh..... Um..... should we do something??

Bakura: I don't know... it's usually against the Psycho Code of Ethics... but he's a fellow crazy person... so........ um..... (pulls out his Psycho Handbook)

Yami Malik: (gives an annoyed look) Well genius?

Bakura: (flips thorugh a few more passages) hm.... Ah, here we go, 'What to do if a freak-stalker captures a fellow psycho' (Reads through it real fast) how important is he, like, how much of our friend is Dartz?

Yami Malik: I die before I get to know him, remember?

Bakura: ok, then we don't bother... (walks off)

Yami Malik: Yeah besides he's trying to take over the world and that was suppose to be my job...

Bakura: and I help you! Don't forget that!!!

Yami Malik: Yeah hardly, remember? I sent your sorry ass to the Shadow Realm before you could do anything useful

Bakura: (glares at him) shut up...

Dartz: (wakes up chained to Amelda's bed)

Amelda: Awake my love bug?

Dartz: (eye widen more) W...w...w...what am I doing here??!!?!?!?!?!?!?

Amelda: (smiles) Jutht relaths and enjoy

Dartz: (can't breath he's so scared)

(everyone hears Dartz screaming HELP and Amelda laughing from his dressing room)

Yami Malik: (shakes his head) That poor poor guy...

Bakura: (shocked speechless again) What is WRONG with Amelda?!?!?!?!!?

Yami Malik: He's an overly obsessed gay guy enough said...

Bakura: (shudders) God, that's disgusting...

Varon: (hears Dartz screaming for help) what was that?

Malik: I don't know but it didn't sound good...

Ryou: I'm scared now, I'm staying right here until everyone else leaves!!!

Yami Malik: Oh Dartz is just screaming for help cause Amelda's raping him pay no attention to it...

Varon, Malik, and Ryou: (All stare at him like he's crazy...er)

Ryou: how'd you get in here? (Confused)

Varon: should we help?

Malik: I don't know, is it in the Sane people's Code of Ethics?

Ryou: I don't know I'll check... (looks through his book) yeah, we gotta go help...

Amelda: You are tho tasthty.....

(Ryou, Malik, and Varon kick the door down)

Malik: I think that's enough gay sex for one day....

Varon: (wide eyes) I'm scarred for life!!!!

Ryou: (speechless)

Dartz: (out of breath scared like crazy)

Malik: (punches Amelda in the temple so he passes out) need some help Dartz?

Dartz: Get me out of here!!

Varon: we're gunna, don't worry... (kicks Amelda off the bed)

Ryou: so WHAT exactly happened? (Still freaked out)

Dartz: I don't know... (cries) I just don't know

Varon: stop crying, you're ok now...

Dartz: WOULDN'T YOU CRY IF YOU JUST GOT RAPED BY A GAY GUY?!??!?!

Varon: no, I'd be too shocked to even breathe, let alone cry...

Ryou: you're such a smart ass...

Dartz: (once he's unchained goes into the fetal position)

Ryou: come on you guys, help me get him out of here... (tries to drag him out by his

hair)

Dartz: I'm in my happy place now..... my happy place with the flowers and the rainbows and the unicorns (crazy looking smile)

Malik: Oh no he's going gay on us! (starts slapping him over and over again) Snap out of it man!!

Ryou: (slaps Dartz really hard across the face) WAKE UP!!!

Dartz: (becomes eerily quiet) I'm so sorry didn't know what came over me.........

Varon: (hugs Dartz) it's ok, don't spaz out on us now!!!

Dartz: (breathing starts returning to normal)

Bakura: is he alive?

Ryou: no thanks to you...

Yami Malik: Hey now, he took over my role so forget him!

Malik: he's still your friend!!! Don't say he's not, I saw you write it in your journa...

never mind...

Yami Malik: (glares) Shut up! Anyways now I can say I have a friend that got raped

by a gay guy, smile Dartz! (snaps a picture but ends up taking a picture of his eye with the flash on) AH! THIS INFERNAL CONTRAPTION!!!

Bakura: give me the stupid thing... (thinks he's holding it the right way and does the same thing only in both eyes) OW!!!! FUCK!!! GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!! (starts cussing in ancient Egyptian)

Yami Malik: Nice one smart ass....

Malik: God we have the stupidest Yami's ever....

Ryou: yup... that's so true...

(mean while, at the drugstore...)

Ralphael: (puts a whole box of steroids on the counter)

Person behind the counter: Um sir, taking this much isn't healthy besides I don't think

you need it....

Ralphael: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO I NEED SOME NOW I'M NOT BIG ENOUGH!!!

Person behind the counter: Um but sir, you're like three of me put together....

Ralpheal: .......... (takes them and runs off without paying) HAHAHA TAKE THAT FUCKER!

(back to the less crazy place...)

Serenity: (wakes up and searches for Joey more)

Joey: (peeks from inside the trashcan) Lord not again....

Serenity: Joey?!?!?

Joey: (ducks into the trashcan and crosses his fingers) Please God if you let her not find me I swear to not eat 20 pizzas a day and I swear I will learn how to talk right! And I won't join any more gangs!!

Serenity: (accidentally runs into the trashcan he's hiding in and smiles when he falls out, before spazzing) OH NO!!! DID I HURT YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (another few needle shots)

Joey: SERENITY IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PROTECT ME THEN STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!

Serenity: (starts crying) b...b...b...but... I love you!!!!!

Joey: I'm your brother you freak!!! I DON'T LOVE YOU!

Serenity: (eyes widen) HOW COULD YOU!!! AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU!!! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE JERK!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (stomps off and gets out her needles and baggies again)

Joey: (mumbles under his breath) I'm always the one having to save your dumb ass....

(after this crazy hour...)

Director: Where's Serenity?!? Dang it, she has a big part in today's episode!!!

Tea: I'll go find her, her friends need her!!! (runs off the find her)

Mai: (still putting on her make up, not even paying attention)

Kaiba: (finely pulls up with in his limo and hears all the commotion inside) I'm not even gunna bother... (drives off)

Tea: (comes back a few minutes later crying her eyes out) Serenity overdosed!!!!!!! (keeps crying)

Joey: God loves me, so much he does...

Director: you're joking, right?

Tea: (sniffles) Would I joke about something like that?!?!?!?!

Bakura: she's dead! She's dead! (Cheers along with Joey)

Tea: How could you cheer at a time like this!? One of our best friends died! (goes into

her 6 hour long lecture)

Yami Malik: Why not make two of them dead? (looks at Tea)

Ryou: I'm with Yami Malik... that's saying something...

Dartz: (still curled up in a fetal posistion)

Varon: (looks around and his eyes widen when he see Amelda's awake) Uh, you guys, BIG problem!!!!!

Amelda: (rubbing his head) Dartthz, where are you love bug?!

Dartz: (rocking back and forth faster)

Joey: God... when one trouble stops, more arises...

Tristan: (shooting his rifle around practicing and accidentlly gets Amelda in the head)

..................... oops... my bad!

Dartz: (looks at Tristan) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE A FUCKIN' HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tristan: Ummm I try?

Varon: thank god he's gone

Director: (banging her head on her clipboard over and over again) I'm losing money... Ok, I quit... I can't take it....... (walks out)

Ryou: what's her problem?

Malik: I think any of us would go insane after working with this koo-koo cast....

Varon: he's right, I'm going too... (walks after the director, followed by Ryou, Malik, Dartz, Yami Malik, and Bakura while everyone else either parties (or cries in Tea's case) that some one died, or gets into another fight)

THE END!!!!!

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Authoress: It's done! The behind the scene Yugioh is done! Now some of you may have been offended by some of this, WE ARE NOT AGAINST GAYS AT ALL!! We just think Amelda is gay and we think he's after Dartz! WE ARE ALSO NOT AGAINST DRUGGIES!! Even though it is illegal... WE AREN'T AGAINST WHORES!! Even though their stupid... we're still not against them.

Authoress 2: yeah, so if we offended you, we're sorry!!!!!! PLEASE FORGIVE US!!!!! (bows) We didn't mean to be as spaztic as we were either... that just kinda... happened... but, so, yeah! EVERYONE WHO DOESN"T HATE US NOW, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE?!?! WE'RE BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Authoress: Be sure to give us both credit for we are both responsible for making them miserable! This is Joeyzgrl12 and Sapphire Seibrem signing off!


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